Not a competion.

All to often when you meet other people who have an ASD person in their families (not just the primary carer) and you mention that yes your child talks, that suddenly you have this wall that goes up.
Because you are the "Lucky" ones, that they have it so much worse off than you. That suddenly your child is not Autistic enough to be considered Autistic because they can talk. And this is all before you can get a word into say well being able to talk does not mean they can effectively communicate with you in real time or have any sense of reasoning skills.

The truth is each has their own set of challenges and it isn't a competition between the two. It is why the saying goes "If you have seen one ASD child, you have just seen ONE ASD child." They are all different. They all do things at their own pace and working order.

This blog posts comes from an evening out. We went on a rare family dinner night out. Our little man was very good at the start. (I will tell you now it did not end well, but that is another blog post.) My Inlaws kindly booked a table for us and the band, the other members did not take up the offer to join us, but another group of seniors did. Little man sat quietly in his buggy after he ate playing his iPad whilst we finished eating and we spoke. He was beautiful and cute. Next thing I know one of the ladies stuck her hand in his buggy to tickle him on his cheek.

I saw red. I asked her nicely please DO NOT touch my child, it may not end well and I can't guarantee he won't go off. She then told me about her grandson and asked if he could talk... well it went downhill from there. Automatically the assumptions were there. I really hope they were still in the club an hour later when the epic meltdown began. It was not pretty. I wonder if the same assumptions about being lucky he could talk would be the same as he screamed the and yelled all the way through the club and to the car at me?

Comments and judgements

Normally we usually get positive comments about how well mannered Mr T is. But occasionally Mr T has a bad day, like everyone else, and his quirks, ticks and reasoning skills are non existent. These are usually on days when we have things to do and places to be.

Yesterday was one such day. And me being me I was not giving him the leeway he wanted, I was giving him options, choices and they were not always what he wanted. Part of the mantra of I am not raising a spoilt only child and he is not getting everything he wants no matter how much he puts on a performance for it. I will give him everything he needs, but not everything he wants.

So yesterday I ended up needing to take him to the Drs as he was getting a sinus infection. Before I even got him out the car I knew that it may go pair shaped. He was refusing to take his iPad and only wanted mine. From the get go he had been told that this was not okay. He had two choices his iPad or nothing.
He grizzled and whined about it. But I was not going to back down. Not ever. I reminded him calmly that his choices stood and my iPad was off limits. Than the dr was running late! The waiting room very busy and a grumpy child who was getting handsy grabbing and trying to go through my bag. All the while getting louder with me. (He was in his special needs buggy.) Can you feel the glares yet? The only moral support I had came from a fellow ASD mum who I knew.
But next thing I know a lady a few chairs down pipes up. "Young man you need a good smack across the bottom."
Yes you read right, a lady told my son he needed a smack! I calmly turned to her and said "If I thought a smack would work, I would give him one. But I am afraid he may just enjoy it and laugh in my face." "No I am not going to give into his demands either, he has been given his choices. He is expressing his dislike."
Then ignored her. Next thing the office nursing manager comes and puts us in a room to wait. I can see why but at the same time, it ramped him up more. Eventually we got seen.
There are days like this where you wish that the ground would swallow you whole.

But it lead me to think, would playing the Autism card been worth while?
Would telling a complete stranger that my son's reasoning skills suck because he has a neurological disability change her perspective of what was unfolding before her? Or would she just think he was an undisciplined brat?
What would you think?

Growing up

Thomas is Growing up very fast and is now 6. I mentioned the attitude he had at 4, hmm 6 comes with a new one too. And one that is somewhat more stubborn and independent with almost teen like defiance. The independence is not always a bad thing but if it had less defiance it would be awesome.

We have made loads of progress in some areas, which often comes after a couple of steps back in others. All of which is normal for him.

School has been going well, 3/4 through prep and he is really learning new things every week. Socially we are now just starting to see the deficits. Not understanding game play in the playground and combined that with other boys that will take advantage of that is starting to prove problematic.

Some days we can almost say what Autism... Then there are days where things are not going so well and it smacks you over the head, or in the ears as his new thing is screaming.  His ticks and stims are ever changing and lately the verbal ones are most popular. It makes for some funny laughs especially in the mornings.