Not a competion.

All to often when you meet other people who have an ASD person in their families (not just the primary carer) and you mention that yes your child talks, that suddenly you have this wall that goes up.
Because you are the "Lucky" ones, that they have it so much worse off than you. That suddenly your child is not Autistic enough to be considered Autistic because they can talk. And this is all before you can get a word into say well being able to talk does not mean they can effectively communicate with you in real time or have any sense of reasoning skills.

The truth is each has their own set of challenges and it isn't a competition between the two. It is why the saying goes "If you have seen one ASD child, you have just seen ONE ASD child." They are all different. They all do things at their own pace and working order.

This blog posts comes from an evening out. We went on a rare family dinner night out. Our little man was very good at the start. (I will tell you now it did not end well, but that is another blog post.) My Inlaws kindly booked a table for us and the band, the other members did not take up the offer to join us, but another group of seniors did. Little man sat quietly in his buggy after he ate playing his iPad whilst we finished eating and we spoke. He was beautiful and cute. Next thing I know one of the ladies stuck her hand in his buggy to tickle him on his cheek.

I saw red. I asked her nicely please DO NOT touch my child, it may not end well and I can't guarantee he won't go off. She then told me about her grandson and asked if he could talk... well it went downhill from there. Automatically the assumptions were there. I really hope they were still in the club an hour later when the epic meltdown began. It was not pretty. I wonder if the same assumptions about being lucky he could talk would be the same as he screamed the and yelled all the way through the club and to the car at me?

Comments and judgements

Normally we usually get positive comments about how well mannered Mr T is. But occasionally Mr T has a bad day, like everyone else, and his quirks, ticks and reasoning skills are non existent. These are usually on days when we have things to do and places to be.

Yesterday was one such day. And me being me I was not giving him the leeway he wanted, I was giving him options, choices and they were not always what he wanted. Part of the mantra of I am not raising a spoilt only child and he is not getting everything he wants no matter how much he puts on a performance for it. I will give him everything he needs, but not everything he wants.

So yesterday I ended up needing to take him to the Drs as he was getting a sinus infection. Before I even got him out the car I knew that it may go pair shaped. He was refusing to take his iPad and only wanted mine. From the get go he had been told that this was not okay. He had two choices his iPad or nothing.
He grizzled and whined about it. But I was not going to back down. Not ever. I reminded him calmly that his choices stood and my iPad was off limits. Than the dr was running late! The waiting room very busy and a grumpy child who was getting handsy grabbing and trying to go through my bag. All the while getting louder with me. (He was in his special needs buggy.) Can you feel the glares yet? The only moral support I had came from a fellow ASD mum who I knew.
But next thing I know a lady a few chairs down pipes up. "Young man you need a good smack across the bottom."
Yes you read right, a lady told my son he needed a smack! I calmly turned to her and said "If I thought a smack would work, I would give him one. But I am afraid he may just enjoy it and laugh in my face." "No I am not going to give into his demands either, he has been given his choices. He is expressing his dislike."
Then ignored her. Next thing the office nursing manager comes and puts us in a room to wait. I can see why but at the same time, it ramped him up more. Eventually we got seen.
There are days like this where you wish that the ground would swallow you whole.

But it lead me to think, would playing the Autism card been worth while?
Would telling a complete stranger that my son's reasoning skills suck because he has a neurological disability change her perspective of what was unfolding before her? Or would she just think he was an undisciplined brat?
What would you think?

Growing up

Thomas is Growing up very fast and is now 6. I mentioned the attitude he had at 4, hmm 6 comes with a new one too. And one that is somewhat more stubborn and independent with almost teen like defiance. The independence is not always a bad thing but if it had less defiance it would be awesome.

We have made loads of progress in some areas, which often comes after a couple of steps back in others. All of which is normal for him.

School has been going well, 3/4 through prep and he is really learning new things every week. Socially we are now just starting to see the deficits. Not understanding game play in the playground and combined that with other boys that will take advantage of that is starting to prove problematic.

Some days we can almost say what Autism... Then there are days where things are not going so well and it smacks you over the head, or in the ears as his new thing is screaming.  His ticks and stims are ever changing and lately the verbal ones are most popular. It makes for some funny laughs especially in the mornings.

OT 12 months on..

Well today Thomas had his normal monthly OT session. It went amazing. The change in the last 12 months has been incredible. He pretends on the way he hates going, but once he gets there he gets straight to it. Following the instructions and rules.

Cathie his OT is amazing with him and he has come along leaps and bounds. Even just sitting still between activities he does so well. He knows where to wait and what is expected of him there.

His balancing and strength skills have even improved. I was so proud of him today. I just wish I had gotten more photos today, even Cathie mentioned we should have video taped it. Sigh. Hindsight. Next month I will remind her if she wants me to do some videoing and see what happens.

Sitting in the waiting chair.

Turning 4

Yes it has happened he has turned four. Gone from that little baby to an attitude filled 4 year old! Oh boy. They say two is bad. Four they talk back with sass and smartness. Golly gosh. I sense we are in for some huge fun (and lots of wine for mummy) in the coming months.

One big thing happened. We brought him a bike, unsure how he would go as he never grasped the trike idea or had the muscle tone to manipulate them because of the angle at which they sit on them. So imagine our surprise when he grasped riding a bike within the first few days. What a proud and happy mummy I was this sunny Saturday afternoon I took him out on his bike.

Technology and Potty Training.

Well with potty training boot camp on this weekend we have been looking at different ways to entertain this child whilst mostly indoors (the weather has been on the ordinary at best side.) So technology has come into play, especially seeing Saturday morning the wooden train set went on holidays after they were watered with Pear juice....

So out comes the Wii. Thomas got to create his own character, he also likes to change it's clothes daily too it seems. We have worked out games like baseball are best and he is an awesome pitcher, if we can keep him on task. In the end it becomes an amusing adventure of daddy batting and Thomas pitching as a team. Funny. competitive and not mummies domain.Oh and lots of, You can pitch the ball now Thomas. Any time Thomas. I think he is slowly getting it. But gets so easily off track.

But the Monday night funny comes as I was cooking dinner and Thomas found the iPad charging by my chair.
Next he come running up the hall way. Shouting need potty, good program on. hearing bob the builder on TV I thought. Ok. Bob phase again. Nope he was watching Thomas the Tank Engine clips on You Tube. So he grabs his potty to take back so he could watch the You Tube clip. I think I need to tell him about Pause and replay.

Proud moment. He recognised he needed to go. And whilst typing the last paragraph he did it again!

Two steps forward...

Many steps back.  We seem to be having a lot of these moments lately where we seem to be making awesome progress, then suddenly regress right back. This is in both areas of behaviour, toilet training and communications. All of which is probably related to each other.

We will have a couple of days where you think what ASD? Then a night mare run. Sleep is also on the decline again for every body. It just does not seem fair.

This week we are learning that appalling behaviour is not going to be accepted. Deliberately destroying items is not going to go down well, and toys will be taken away. Tough love is happening. Explanations are  in place and so are the expectations. Poster making here I come!!

Potty training is also still the bug bear and getting tough here. Deliberate defiance at home is happening and mummy is not happy as he is a perfect angel at kindy and school. (He can do this, but for what ever reason won't self initiate at home and gets aggressive if we do toilet timing with him.)

This last month or so we have also been dealing with a couple of virus's here which does play a part in the down slide. But it will not get the better of us. It can't!

We have been making progress with food though. Eating things that are not normally eaten like savoury mince. Turned out even though it was slimy (his words) it was very nice. So it seems in the words of Dr Seuss "Try it, Try it, you may see, Try it try it, you may like it".

The safari breakfast.